Or it could simply be that the bread, with its amazingly crisp crust and perfect crumb, is calling out to me to cut another slice, slather it with some butter, and eat it!
I think it’s both those things, but I also believe this picture, and this loaf, fascinate me because they symbolize exactly how I feel about life right now.
Everything is off-kilter. This extended, enforced COVID-19 social distancing stuff, working from home, waiting for our leaders to open things up again is getting old. Having to wear a mask whenever I go somewhere and will be around people is not fun. It reminds me over and over what a mess things are.
I tell myself it’s great to be working at home full-time… something I’ve always dreamed of being able to do… and it is great… sort of.
But I also know that it’s disorganized. It’s dysfunctional. None of the physical or mental boundaries that have always surrounded and partitioned the various parts of my day and my life are here right now. Lately, it’s all just one big blurry line that I cross back and forth over all day long, and sometimes into the night.
What about you? Does any of this make sense? Does it resonate with you? Are you feeling a bit ‘off’ too? I’ve noticed that, unless I specifically start a conversation with someone and point-blank ask them this question, everyone seems content with saying, “Oh, it’s going fine.”
But, honestly… how are you doing?
If you’re in my boat, you may be finding that some days are good… even really good.
But then there are the other days… the days when everything just seems fuzzy and overwhelming. Emotions are off… mental sharpness isn’t quite up to snuff… and the idea of curling up under the covers with a pillow over your head sounds very appealing.
This will end, or at least resolve into what will become our new normal. We know this. But in the meantime…
Why does this half loaf face down on its side fascinate me?
Because, just like me, this beautiful, partially eaten loaf of bread is stuck. It can’t go backwards and be whole again, and it can’t go forward unless someone helps out and eats the darn thing!
As I continue to ponder the various situations we are all dealing with… the uncertainty and lack of control we each have over our own lives right now, I know that I want to work on putting structure back into my life where I can. I’m determined to take breaks… get some fresh air and a little exercise. I intend to visit with my family and friends whenever, wherever and however we can manage. (Thank goodness for FaceTime & Zoom!)
I’m also going to work hard to remember some of the lessons I’ve learned during this time… the benefits of slowing life down just a bit.
I’d like to come out of this more able to resist filling my schedule up as full as it was before everything changed. I want to do a better job of savoring the small things, and carve out more time to just pause, listen, and reflect…
But, for right now, I’m going to cut myself another slice of this bread!